The Funny Corner

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This guy goes into a doctor's and says "Doctor, doctor you've gotta help me. I just can't stop having sex!"
"Well how often do you have it?" the doctor asks.
"Well, twice a day I have sex with my wife, TWICE a day", he answers back.
"That's not so much", says the doctor.
"Yes, but thats not all. Twice a day I have sex with my secretary, TWICE a day," replies the man.
"Well that is probably a bit excessive," says the doctor.
"Yes, but thats not all. Twice a day I have sex with a prostitute, TWICE a day," says the man.
"Well, that's definitely too much", says the doctor. "You've got to learn to take yourself in hand."
"I do", says the man. "Twice a day."
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A prostitute goes to the hospital to visit a colleague who is about to have a heart transplant. She's worried about the friend so she asks the doctor:
Girlfriend: I'm worried about my friend doc, what if her body rejects the organ?
Doctor: Well she's 36 years old and healthy. How long has she been in business?
Girlfriend: She's been working since she was 19 years old, but what does that have to do with anything?
Doctor: Well she's been working 17 years and hasn't rejected an organ yet!
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Q: Do you know the punishment for bigamy? A: Two mothers-in-law.
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Q: Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
A: Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.
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Q: Did you hear they finally made a device that makes cars run 95% quieter?
A: Yeah, it fits right over her mouth.
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Q: Why are hangovers better than women?
A: Hangovers will go away.
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Q: Why do women have smaller feet than men?
A: So they can stand closer to the sink.
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Q: How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart?
A: When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me...."
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Q: How do you fix a woman's watch?
A: You don't...there's a clock on the oven!
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Q: Why do men pass gas more than women?
A: Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.
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Q: Why were shopping carts invented?
A: To teach women to walk on their hind legs.
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Women are like guns: keep one around long enough and you're going to want to shoot it.
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Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
A: The dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!
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One golfer tells another: "Hey, guess what! I got a set of golf clubs for my wife!"
The other replies: "GREAT trade!"
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All wives are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart.
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Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to him.
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Q: What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A: A woman that won't do what she's told!
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Q: How many women does it take to paint a wall?
A: It depends on how hard you throw them.
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Q: What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
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I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
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I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
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Women are so unreasonable! My wife gets mad because every Saturday night I take a bath with bubbles in it.
I mean, if Bubbles doesn't mind, why should my wife?
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Q: What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
A: Divorced.
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Most accidents happen at home, and the men have to eat them!
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Some mornings I wake up grouchy...other mornings I just let her sleep!
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Bigamy is having one wife too many. Some say monogamy is the same.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a women's sex drive by 90 percent:
Wedding cake!!!
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Marriage is a 3-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.

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